I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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