I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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