Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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