there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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