he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
