i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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