DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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