I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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