i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
