Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
