I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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