Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
