If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
