I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
