we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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