a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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