I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
