GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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