Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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