So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
