Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
