South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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