Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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