You can't special order awesome
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
