I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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