Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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