Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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