My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
