So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
