He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
