She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
