if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
