wanna go halves on a baby?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
