how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
