was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
