The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
