I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
