Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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