He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My life is pants optional.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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