and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pants are for mortals
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
