Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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