Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
