I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have post one night stand depression
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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