am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
