dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
