i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
