If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
