i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
