Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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