You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
