My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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