Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
