Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
why is half of my head shaved?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
