There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
