don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
