I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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