i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
