so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
