you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
