the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
