so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
