I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
