There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
