i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We just shotgunned beers for America
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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