my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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