Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
