Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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