I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
