Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
