I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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