Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
