A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
