My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
