i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
