...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
