You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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