you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
