At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
