How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize