hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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