I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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