And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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