Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
