We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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