Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
