sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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