She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
